During the early pandemic lockdown time, when there was no telling how long this thing would last, no up or down and no end in sight, I decided to use some of my endless drunken free time to rewatch all the original-cast Star Trek movies and live-tweet the experience.
I’ve deleted my account on that cursed site, but … maybe because I had so much fun with it, and maybe because it blew up and gained me a few hundred followers that week … I wanted to preserve the thread. And so here it is:
Might as well rewatch all the classic Star Trek films. (Not going anywhere for a while…) Just started TMP. Here’s a thing: I seriously miss late 70s to early 90s sci fi cinema. There was a serene beauty to the space scenes that has never truly been reclaimed by modern film.
Do the effects hold up? Nah, not exactly.
But the artistry of that, the utterly alien nature of the landscape, and the fact that the only motion is the smoke plumes, invoking a vast, empty expanse… Things like that, or the way the ships looked approaching planets, and even some of the wonky close up work on the models
his isn’t limited to the Trek films, by any means; but they are exemplary. Right from the first.
I wanna watch Flash Gordon now. I keep thinking about that trippy flying scene. Anyway, I’ve just reached the first, dramatic Enterprise flyby montage. See you in, what, 20?
This right here. Little spacesuit guy just scootin.
Decker! This guy would fit *right in* in the oldest sci-fi films and serials.
Annnnnnd this. It’s off topic, but Deforest Kelly’s whole thing here is wild … That fuckin medallion.
Oop Enterprise launch time. Brb
THESE parts
Anyway, lil dude doing a flip as the ship sails past … Fantastic little detail
The bridge looks ridiculous in close ups. But who cares? It looks complicated and has a lot of winking lights and I love it
Lite Brite theme
Then there’s this wormhole nonsense.
Having a scene where the weird sci fi effect is that it’s all blur-trail and sound delay in a film generally considered to be unnecessarily slow is a certain kinda choice.
I support it, mind you.
Some of Shatner’s most subtle acting in this first film. At least in parts. Come the next scene and he’s Shatner again
If McCoy is keeping the neckline he should keep the mountain man hippy beard. There are RULES.
Should I have disclosed earlier that I’m deep in the wine?
Spock is proper weird here. His alien nature is sufficiently sold here, moreso than any other film and mich of the series.
His film arc always bothered me. By the end he’s very comfortable with his human side, quite the opposite at the start. There’s even a reset, not that he made a hell of a change by then. IV gives him some growth in that direction but then V..
Certainly not the first I’ve noticed it, but these random beltless belt buckle things? Whyyyyy?
Now, in case anyone took drugs that haven’t worn off yet … I prefer TMP’s entering the V’ger cloud to 2001’s entering the Monolith. It might be full of stars, but if you’re fucked up enough to really appreciate it, you probably appreciate the calmer, slower iteration.
Wait, ok, wait.*Are* there belts attached to those? Threaded through two slits in the tunic? And…and also the belt loops on the pants??!?
Still entering the cloud…
OK, true story: circa age ten, I made my own cut of TMP. I rented a copy of the ’83 extended version and cherry picked the long, slow external shots. My version was shorter than the original theatrical cut and *almost* watchable. There was one part I fucked up
VCR magic. There’s a memory. Kids today, I tell you… Anyway, mine was about nine minutes shorter than the original and almost twenty less than the source. I kept that VHS for years. Even after digital and streaming
Almost done entering the cloud
Ha! “Now that we’ve got them just where they want us” My dad loves that line. Has used it multiple times in my hearing.
Ah, the Ilia Unit. According to the novel, that purple light shit is a shower
The booth; not the throat jewel
This fascist looking security officer does not really gel with Roddenberry’s sci-fi Utopia…
Totally not a police state…
This jet pack scene is PEAK
McCoy’s commentary is without par. “What do you suggest we do … Spank it?”
McCoy doesn’t have a weird belt buckle thing!!!
Why in hell is there breathable atmosphere? OK, V’Ger is doing it for the carbon units … But why? They possess suits. It’s more efficient to use existing supplies than generate an entire atmosphere for this giant space
We probably should have destroyed the Voyagers before they hit the heliopause. I’m not generally paranoid about space aliens but look… When we need to know about the heliopause and beyond, we’ll be better equipped than we were 40-something years ago
We launched this thing that’s now in interstellar space the same year Star Wars came out
This creator must join with V’Ger/Ilia and Decker denouement is kinda fuckin awful.
Like, he’s going to die. The thing is going to kill him, dissect him, turn him into digital information. And he’s all “I used to love the woman it looks like so, I guess, sure” and then it’s presented like a glorious victory
Shots like this are the esthetic I was talking about
Gonna jump right into wrath of Khan
Which I recently saw referenced as a film that evokes “tall ships,” and I like that. I’ve seen it compared to submarine movies before, but the age of sail connection is both obvious and curiously new (to me at least)
The 2-3-4 trilogy may be the best thing a cinematic continuation of a television show has ever done.
It’s bold, but the walk-back on Spock’s death makes it seem less so in retrospect. Seeing it the first time … Especially when it was newer and the reluctance of sf/f to properly kill characters was also less conspicuous…
The crew goes from TMP’s feature length TOS episode through the fallout of one of those old stories to a conflict with Starfleet to saving the Earth with time travel and the connected progression of the three films keeps building without ever regressing in pace or stakes
The world building of film is so much different from that of prose. It’s in the design, the sets and lighting and costume.
Anyway, Wrath fits in to the same esthetic somehow, tying in with the show, even though TOS, TMP, and TWoK all have different overall designs
It’s Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
I, on the other hand, am in a position to grant… Nothing.
Oh, you didn’t see that episode? It’s cool. Quick summary, delivered dramatically by a master, boom, there you go. Disguises the weird planet switch infodump.
Creepy brain beetle time. This shit bothered me in the day like that meme about thinking quicksand would be a bigger problem in life
What bothered me most about Wrath, my first continuity complaint, was the Starfleet emblem Khan wears as a medallion… It doesn’t match anything from TOS and, eventually, I realized it doesn’t fucking matter
Like, Chekov wasn’t even there
Similarly, replacing Saavik … Bugged me a lot.
There’s that Lite Brite shit again. I love it.
Man .. they should’ve kept Kirk as captain and saved the reluctant promotion regret stuff for 2 and 3
Really would’ve fit in with the theme better
Is the redhead in the background supposed to be McGivers? Isn’t she supposed to be dead?
Genesis is one of the best examples of a utopian experiment being useful to the dystopian element
Explicitly meant to be used on lifeless moons. The drawback is immediately brought up by McCoy. And of course its intended theft is one of the two main plots of the next film
Khan’s followers look like space barbarians mixed with late hippies
The CRM-114 moment here makes less sense if you think about it longer than the scene itself. But it’s a great damn moment.
And also a great nod to Kubrick. The idea of an alphanumeric code to get a signal through primitive ad-blocking isn’t restricted to those, but look …
ST2 is a phenomenal space opera, almost completely self contained but also expansive as hell
Sir… it is difficult. I try to obey. But..
No, but side note: they always have these caves and shit, places where the wall is craggy, bare rock, but the floor is perfectly flat every time
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
I think this often, bit Kirk’s vest (revisited several films later in generations) reminds me: franchises shouldn’t last long enough for fans to take over.
It has mixed results, I’m not saying fans can’t make amazing continuations. But they can also make much worse efforts than novices
“Hours instead of days…now we have minutes instead of hours” is a great example of telling the dummies what they missed and progressing to the next plot point
Can’t follow them into the nebula, sir … Our shields would be useless!
Sulu’s jacket thing is unbuttoned. I think that’s the first time I’ve noticed a character wear it that way other than Kirk (who does it constantly)
There are two ways Star Trek is written, IMO. Focus on your favorites, and finding a way for the whole ensemble to shine individually. 4 is an example of the latter, as are the best episodes. 2 tries somewhat, but Sulu is just … There. Which sucks. He’s way cooler than Chekov.
This always happens to Uhura as well.
Say what you will about Abrams-Trek, all three new films at least understood the value of the individual crew members beyond the Kirk-Spock-McCoy triumvirate
Ohh, but that reminds me… They did Carol Marcus wrong.
Now I’m trying to think of TNG characters who were frequently sidelined when you got a writer who just wanted to do a story about their faves. It’s harder, because the series lasted longer and produced far more stories. Pretty much everybody got at least a couple centered on them
Even that screwball Barclay
McCoy got seriously short changed as well, come to think of it, but Deforest Kelly didn’t need character development. He comes into a room and he Is.
For being undeniably the worst original series film, 5 at least tells you something about McCoy’s inner life and past.
I love the curved wall in Kirk’s quarters or ready room or whatever
I could never get behind David Marcus. I just never liked him at all and his death in 3 is – this is awful – a relief, like whew, past the part where I have to see and hear that guy
I love the stories about Leonard Nimoy throwing his weight around for good reasons
Starting The Search for Spock. As a kid, I found the recap opening of 3 more moving than the original on 2. It’s the extreme blue tint and the tiny picture expanding and the slow fade to a normal palette
3 has some of my absolute favorite shots of starships in space. Enterprise, Excelsior … even the Grissom all have these gorgeous shots. The Klingon ship looks cool as hell in its way also
I wish Christopher Lloyd played more villains
I wish they’d done a Back to the Future with an alternate timeline but like instead of Biff getting to be the Donald it was an evil version of Doc Brown, holy shit
Is this the first appearance of a female Klingon?
She dead
Aww yiss
How far is it from Mutara to Earth? Has Scotty not changed?
These fascist looking fuckin security guys again. Those helmets were just a bad call
Lookin like toned-down Spaceballs
Upholstering the Grissom’s bridge: “It’s actually salmon”
How did I never notice that before?
Ugh. David Marcus.
I really like Robin Curtis as Saavik, but I can never decouple the character from Kirstie Alley because that’s how I first saw the character.
Curtis skews more Vulcan, which given the off screen context makes sense. She’s the opposite of Spock, becoming more Vulcan rather than more human. They didn’t bother developing her on screen, of course. Nothing in any of her three film appearances even mentions her Romulan half
Relying on the tie in novels wayyy before Star Wars
(That was a joke. I’m well aware that Star Wars did that right from ’77)
Remember, the word Sith is never mentioned once in the original trilogy. It appeared first in the novelisation.
Original Sarek always had such gravitas. Mark Lenard is the *only* Sarek. Fight me.
Frain, if he continues in the role, has potential. I can definitely see him growing into it. But Ben fucking Cross? No.
I will always honor ST3 for giving us 23rd century civvies. Even though they’re mostly terrible. (Sulu absolutely rocks his look, though)
At what point does this film want us to think reborn Spock climbed out of the coffin? Why’d he leave the robe?
I want Admiral Morrow’s velvet jacket
McCoy in the bar is one of the best scenes ever
This fuckin David Lynch character of an alien…
Don’t call me Tiny
Excelsior’s captain carrying that damn swagger stick always bugged the shit out of me. I’m sure it’s supposed to. You see this guy for one second and already hate him. Helps you cheer the fact that Scotty sabotages a Starfleet ship, basically an act of mutiny and possibly treason
Uhura: this isn’t reality. This is fantasy!
Scotty’s got a velvet jacket too!
Kirk’s collar is popped more than any collar has ever been popped before. It’s so popped other collars think it’s their dad.
Swagger stick douchebag again. Filing his nails. They really used that as another subliminal “look at this effete asshole” cue
I always forget about Miguel Ferrer being Excelsior’s helmsman. Dude, *everyone* has been in Star Trek at some point.
Case in point
Meanwhile, snowstorm and cacti. After the first scene on-world, the Genesis planet is constantly demonstrating it’s turmoil in the background. First time through, you really don’t notice it until Teen Spock hits alien puberty and starts wailing in agony
Never cared about Grissom getting blowed up
But it looks cool
David takes the blame for the “protomatter” hand-wavey failure of scientific ethics. What ever happened to Carol?
Christopher Lloyd strangles a weird slimy worm monster. Checks on with the ship to let them know: “Nothing happening here” The Klingons in this film skate this perfect line between comedy and serious species-as-character development. TNG Klingons owe more to this film than TOS
Though, the only film that really respected the Klingons at all is 6
Spock is grown and wearing the discarded robe from his coffin. But he wasn’t naked or wearing rotting animal skins when they found him. Curious.
Cloaking devices are honestly fucking dumb. For some reason I always forgive Trek, bit they show up anywhere else I get irrationally annoyed. That one single line in Empire Strikes Back (which makes them canon even if we never see one) irks me
Maybe the reason I give Trek a pass is that they’ve mostly been used really well in the stories. “Enterprise Incident” is a great TOS episode. The final ship battle in 6 is amazing. The Enterprise-D having a surprise cloaking device in one of the “All Good Things…” timelines
I just love all these space shots in 3
But for real: a device to mask your ship in every way. Sensors don’t see it. Not radar, not heat, nothing … But the baked human eye detects the blue. Dumb.
They still have this at the Smithsonian. It’s moved back up to the main floor after being fixed. But for a while in the early 90s they had this whole exhibit, with the movie version model and the Klingon Bird of Prey and shuttle Galileo … I’ve got pics somewhere
I meant naked human eye a minute ago, but that typo gives me an idea
Klingon bastards, you’ve killed my son!
Chekov identified as acting science officer to arm the self destruct. He’s also been navigator, tactical officer, and chief of security. How he barely gets promoted is beyond me.
My God, Bones, what have I done?
Was watching this … the exact scene where Enterprise blows up … the broadcast was interrupted because the Berlin Wall just came down
Nu-Trek 3 is a decent movie, but the destruction of the new Enterprise (even moreso the reveal of Enterprise-A) falls kinda flat. It only really drew a reaction from me because the first few scenes made me actually like the new Enterprise for the first time
The previous two films … Other than that early shot of the incomplete ship under construction, the first two never treat the ship as a character.
And that is a major fucking flaw.
“No.”
“But why?”
“Because you wish it.”
Savagery
William Shatner is fistfighting Christopher Lloyd in a constantly fracturing hellscape. The kids who made fun of us in the day didn’t know what the fuck they were missing
Kruge’s death reminds me of Skeletor’s …. Add another to the watch list
“Help us or die!”
“I … do not deserve to live.”
“Fine. I’ll kill you later.”
I saw someone recently argue on FB that Trek isn’t space opera and … Guy, have you not seen the end of Star Trek III?
Sidenote, it was unintentional at first but I’m really starting to dig this pattern of watching the second half of one and first half of the next before passing out. The end-to-beginning transitions, at least in the 2-3-4 trilogy, are utterly fascinating
Last night, if you recall, I realized the replay that starts 3 resonates emotionally more effectively for me than the original version at the end of 2. Now, as we meet reborn Spock on this weird Vulcan cliffside, I’m thinking ahead to seeing the same landscape and lighting in 4
to be concluded…
John A. Underwood 
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