I’m going to jump right back in…
12:38 AM · Apr 10, 2020:
Opening credits of 4 are kind of intense. The music, I mean.
We spent a lot of money blowing the Enterprise up, watch it again. Where’d this courtroom footage come from? Who fucking cares.
I take it back about 6 being the only one to properly respect the Klingons. The Klingon ambassador in IV is delightful
And thinking about that FB chucklefuck again.
“There will be no peace while Kirk lives!” (Leaves with a swirling cape)
Not space opera you say??
Why are the Vulcans all wearing Smurf hats?
Brock Peters. *Everyone* has been in Star Trek
Btw, this 1986 film has (as background characters, to be sure) a black man in overall charge of Starfleet, an Indian ship captain, and a black woman ship captain. I was real young, but I don’t remember anyone complaining about the “writing”
Here’s a random shot of Excelsior, because we built a whole model for like two scenes in the last one
The federation president leaning over this table has a real final act of A New Hope energy.
“Oh shit! You guys! We haven’t done a time travel one yet!”
Spock’s robe looks like a hotel bathrobe and also fastens to the opposite side as the black robe he wore before and that troubled me in a subconscious way for years
Weird the Klingon computer could identify a sound bite of an extinct Earth species
McCoy’s “now wait just a damn minute” is so perfect, no one else should ever be allowed to say that.
Kirk ignoring him and telling Scotty to “start your calculations for time warp” is so goddamn casual it’s the perfect response
Humpbacked … People?
Why’d it have to be humpbacks though?
I mean, they could have picked gray whales and gone back to the 1700s
(I know, it needed to be relevant to the audience contemporary with the film’s release. But would you like to see Kirk and hyper-Vulcan Spock in the 1780s? I would)
This sculpture head time travel hallucination is and has always been wack
Admiral! I am receiving whale song!
Double dumb ass on you!
Such a WEIRD line
Oh, now Uhura has her jacket/tunic unbuttoned…
Speaking of, how’d she get to Vulcan?
The spectacles paradox is great. I’ve always appreciated it
The Russian guy asking a cop for directions to the nuclear vessels is one of the best jokes ever. Even without the absurd pronunciation
Cut rate Golden Girls at the Cetacean Institute tour
Guy in the turtleneck and sunglasses is clearly an off duty Bond villain
God, remember Gary 7?
Spock diving with the whales … And then his absurd attempt to use “hell” in every sentence… And then soon Kirk will claim he took too much “LDS”…
Do people like Gillian from ST:IV and Hooper from Jaws really say shit like “aw, don’t tell me fish stories”? Was that a thing?
Oh, Spock… It’s ALWAYS time for a colorful metaphor
Scotty and McCoy just chewing this scene up
The Plastic Nerd is also a consummate fucking character. He’s brief, but he’s a character
By plastic nerd I meant the guy at the polymer factory whom Scotty gives the formula for transparent aluminum
I’m from Iowa, I only work in outer space …
And the seconds later the most aggressively uncomfortable laughter of all time
Do people still use “all the tea in China” as an idiom?
Because they did when this movie came out. They also drank Michelob Light and went to fancy Pizza Huts
Aw shit yeah. Chekov and Uhura in the Navy carrier. That and McCoy in the 1980s hospital are the funniest gags in a film that, overall, has more humor than the other five put together
Ugh, I’m not looking forward to 5.
Seriously though, 4 hits every note. The only thing missing is Kirk doing his signature jump kick – sadly lacking from the films, probably because it’s absurd… Anyway:
Scotty at the plastic factory
Sulu with the helicopter
McCoy in the hospital
Chekov and Uhura in the carrier
Spock in the whale tank and just afterward.
Kirk with Gillian, and at the antique store with the paradox spectacles
Every character is important. And every one gets a chance to be hilarious. AND the hilarity is appropriate to the film *and* the character. It’s never silly, except for the Navy spook interrogating Chekov … And that needs to be silly
Huh. I didn’t remember the R slur
Gillian’s truck though.
Surprise! You’ve been in charge of these whales and have been struggling to come to terms with their imminent release… So we got rid of them early and in secret!
Yay!
Yay?
I’ve always loved that square of glass disappearing into the cloaked ship
Scotty: uh, Admiral Kirk? Some crazy lady is shouting for you outside.
Look, I’ll put her on the tv for you
“Don’t leave him in the hands of 20th century medicine…” You know, it’s been over 30 years. If they came to 2020 it might be “Don’t leave him in the hands of American medicine”
Although…
“Dialysis?? What is this, the dark ages?”
The docs in the elevator discussing cutting edge medicine…
McCoy: “sounds like the goddamn Spanish Inquisition to me!”
DeForest Kelly was a man without equal
(this tweet was accompanied by a short video clip of McCoy scowling at a surgeon and delivering the line “now put away your butcher knives and let me SAVE this man” with an absolute knockout of a Southern Preacher delivery)
Chekov waking up.
Kirk: name, rank?
Chekov, Pavel. Rank? Admiral. (With that smile!)
Ok, so these two city PD uniforms are in charge of the Russian spy captured onboard a USN carrier?
OK, this bit is a little slapstick
The frequency Gillian gives them for the whales’ trackers would be a weather satellite
Remind me to use “401 mHz” in a story sometime though
Scotty reminding you that water has mass and whales need it
Great Spock/McCoy moment. McCoy telling him to guess …
Of course there’s a whaling ship. How far could two humpbacks swim since “last night?”
Oh.
It’s definitely been less than 24 hours, but let’s say 24. So an extreme range of 600 km. Unlikely. They’ve just been released from captivity. 360 km is upper range, 48 km the low end.
So potentially in international waters, but probably not. Who are these fucking whalers?
Admiral! Thar be whales here!
Who in the 23rd century knows anything about whales?
K, Gillian? They don’t need a mother. No one knew anything about them up until about 200 years ago. They’ve been around millions of years. And no one will hunt them in the future.
I like the way they did the sun fx
Sweet, no repeat of the weird bust hallucination
It’s been a while, I wasn’t sure
Kirk has to have his save the day moment of course
Of course, Kirk in popular imagination is nothing like actual on screen Kirk
I think he hooks up with like half a dozen people ever, and 1 or 2 are just implied to have happened years ago Displays an extensive education and a rapid intelligence Knows how to get results from his people, even if the method is unorthodox He risks himself. Every time
Enterprise Incident again comes to mind. That was where I realized he was a goddamn genius.
Lies to certain crew members with the certain knowledge of how each will react, which ones will turn against him with the right stimuli – which is something he needs.
McCoy didn’t know the plan ahead of time in that episode. That’s key.
Kirk gets demoted as “punishment” … No wonder the Klingon ambassador was outraged
I’ve always loved the rank insignia from these films btw. They’re not just real world insignia slapped on a sci-fi uniform… But you can also kinda see how they evolved from certain modern military signs of rank
Sarek and Spock *finally* reconciling properly. It’s only been 20 years of real world time
In canon less. There’s supposedly less time between TOS and TMP (3 years in story, 10 irl) than TMP and WoK (12 in story, 3 irl)
Hey we rebuilt your ship exactly. Cool
They really could have done something different there. Generations learned that lesson
11:12 PM · Apr 10, 2020:
OK I’m not drunk enough yet for 5. Bear with me
4:14 AM · Apr 11, 2020:
OK, I’m drunk. Let’s do this
This cult initiation right off the bat…
Sybok is a weird one
Kirk climbing El Capitan…
This first bit of dialogue/action… It works. It’s funny it’s dramatic. It’s a bit overdone, but this was an overdone film
The gravity pun is lame
You might say it falls flat
I’m so sorry
Granny McCoy is funny for a second, I’ll give em that
Look, Consequences are FAKE!
This tavern is a major step down from the bar two movies ago
David Warner. *Everyone* has been in Star Trek
(lots of them more than once)
This all just seems low budget so far
Except David Warner. And he doesn’t quite carry this
Awww yess, distract me from the awful
Are they teasing an Uhura/Scotty ship??
Bridge background looks like a shitty corporate regional conference center
Bones, knock it off!
Beans followed by … Marsh Melons
They’re often extremely racist to Spock
There’s this … “It’s comfortable ribbing him about his half breed status because the future is Utopia” that.. works for the most part, but isn’t a great message
McCoy: “what do we do when shore leave comes along? We spend it together.”
Remember that?
Just got back from the camping trip.
I do like the whole Enterprise isn’t ready part. After they built a whole new one, presumably in a huge hurry. It doesn’t make sense that they’d build another before Kirk & friends saved the Earth
The carpet’s weird
Kirk in jeans is weird
McCoy in his fleece lined denim jacket with the collar popped is somehow … not weird
These Klingons look like punks
The “Captain’s Log” machine looks soooo dumb from nightmare year 2020
So Spock has now seen Sybok. He knows. Kirk has already asked about it.
Ah. I don’t remember this. Spock’s not being fully truthful, but he is speaking up. Good
“Paradise City”
This is a film where fx capability far outstrips fx skill
Add acting captain to the list of Chekov’s positions.
It’s funny that Sulu, an objectively better character but who has never cross trained, is the one who has his own ship in the last film. And Mr. I Can Do Every Job on the Ship Chekov is still at the nav/tactical station.
I think Sulu was like 4th in the chain of command already, but still.
Fighting? In Paradise City?? On the planet of galactic peace??!?
What’s up with this crazy hooker attacking Kirk?
This rabble beat arguably the best team Starfleet of any era could have sent against them? These weird desert rejects with their rinkydink homemade weapons?
Enterprise can sterilize a planet and these assholes have potato guns
Crashing the shuttle craft into the bay is one of this film’s few triumphs. It is a stupid scene, but they did it so confidently that it works
I had this model kit of the Enterprise-A that came with a tiny little shuttle Galileo that was two pieces
A few months after I put it together the nacelles fell off. Model glue wasn’t sufficient to hold that weight on that base. Which … You know, the real thing hangs out in null-gee. But still. Lame
Spock getting all up in it about Sybok being his brother when he didn’t bother telling anyone when they asked earlier if he knew this guy is not particularly logical
That throw him in the brig joke fell seriously flat, and that is not the Inimitable Deforest Kelly’s fault you bastards
Ah, more cult shit. At least it’s better than the space hippies, you grok?
Sha Ka Ree is an annoying name for Paradise.
Rejected Three Dog Night song title of a fucking name
You think they were like, remember that episode where they hit the barrier at the edge of the Galaxy? What if we did that again but the middle?
The jailbreak sequence is great though. From the Morse code to the jet boots, it’s solid … With one problem. Scotty knocking himself out is… I mean, it’s justifiable in story but disrespectful to the character
Also… Where were Spock’s boots that it was faster to collect them and come back than to climb the lift shaft?
Ohhhh, he came from above. Ok.
They pass deck 52 twice
Sybok always reminded me of someone I knew as a kid. Facial structure, hair… There’s a resemblance. The character 100% never worked for me because of that
If they ever do Sybok in Nu-Trek they should get Mark Duplass to play him
“I don’t control minds. I free them,” is something you will never say under any circumstances whatsoever with the sole exception of having started a brainwashy mind control cult and someone called you on that bullshit.
I hate that the one single glimpse at McCoy’s inner life is this culty vision b.s.
Kirk’s “I need my pain” speech *is* a good one.
Spock’s “I know who I am” speech would be good too if we didn’t just watch IV and know he’s had a quite recent factory reset
Yeah these effects … Not it
The actual galactic center would be super fucked up, no reason to make up this nonsense Great Barrier with it’s loudass green lightning
The antique ship’s wheel is a fucking weird touch.
It’s 2289 or thereabouts. A spaceship is so fucking far from a 19th century sailing vessel. It’s beyond the “oh this is traditional” range. There’s no sailboat shit in our modern spaceships. The chain is already broken
Now the lighting is blue. This film never chose a palette
Now violet
I’ve been watching AMC’s Preacher adaptation lately as well, and the first appearance of fake God in that reminded me of this. “What does God need with a spaceship?” is my favorite part of this film. Of all the lines, all the imagery, all the music, all the physicality..that’s it
This weird Stonehenge thing always tripped me out
You know, this has a very TOS feel … but it’s like the gritty reboot version Remember that time they met Apollo?
“Jim… You don’t ask the Almighty for his ID.”
Quintessential McCoy line, and this movie just can’t make it work
Their boots, by the way… You notice it when one of them falls, like Spock just did. If you watch TOS… They wore bell bottoms back then.
Sybok’s realization here is nice but it’s … just not convincing
I do love how he does his cult leader routine on *God*
That TOS energy is strong. Which is not always good, much like TOS itself
Now it’s all red
The bird of Prey approaching Enterprise is a nice sfx shot for this underwhelming film
Punk Rock Klingons
God with those laser eyes… And some whale moans?
Saved by the Klingons! We know we’ve got to pave the way for in-progress TNG and it’s Klingon friendly future
Korrd forcing the pink to apologize like a 7 year old is silly as fuck
“Please Captain. Not in front of the Klingons”
Cocktail hour?
Why is Chekov all about Klingon chick’s muscles?
Maybe he’s in the heart is a lame “maybe the real treasure is the friends we met along the way” moment
Annnnd we return you to your regularly scheduled camping trip. Thanks for saving the universe? Or whatever. Row your boat and roast the marsh melons
12:23 AM · Apr 13, 2020:
Okay, I’m back for the Undiscovered Country.
One of the first of the post Cold War movies, and the first Trek film Roddenberry had absolutely zero input on
Opening credit score: intense, and fucking ominous
Kim Cattral, btw, seven years before she was Samantha. *Everyone* has been in Star Trek
Credits end/sudden planetary explosion. I don’t have the volume up, but I remember in the theater the sound being a physical thing
If the reboot universe wanted to do something awesome and both groundbreaking and rooted in classic canon simultaneously, they could do a John Cho led Captain Sulu film
“There has been an incident…” What if Chernobyl took place during or immediately after the Soviet collapse?
This film also has Iman, Christian Slater, Iman, and Red Foreman himself, Mr. Kurtwood Smith. Getting the next couple *everyone* has been in Star Treks out of the way now because I love this movie
The old guard, veterans of a long cold war, cannot accept a mission of peace and mercy extended to the erstwhile foe
There were at least two other films with identical basic plots within a two or three year period
It was a particular moment in popular entertainment. I don’t recall another so well defined and so timely
“Let them die;” – James T. Kirk, tired as hell
Ohhh the outer space fx shots in this one….
“She’s a Vulcan all right”
The pilot’s console looks like a PA
This scene with Spock and his protege Valeris is nice. It’s heavy with foreshadowing that you absolutely miss the first time because of the Vulcanness of the participants
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end…
That headband ain’t fuckin logical, I’ll tell you that
For real. Headache.
here’s David Warner, getting his Star Trek do-over
Actually, loads of people have played multiple roles in Trek. Michael Dorn shows up later to play his more famous character’s grandfather or something like that
Christopher Plummer, you perfect villain you.
Kirk: he’s against this whole thing to his very soul, but he’s doing his job.
These two idiots. The conspiracy on Enterprise is on display right off though.
When Valeris says you two have work, she isn’t talking about swabbing decks or anything
This dinner party scene is amazing. It’s not quite the equal of Dune’s banquet scene for pure world building coupled with plot advancement, but it’s pretty fucking great.
“In space, all warriors are cold warriors.”
It’s a great line. Maybe too on the nose, if not for being delivered by an incredible performer
McCoy, genuinely offended at the idea of the Klingons being wiped out. The schism between the main three is sometimes subtle here, but it’s there. Masterful writing with the characters and their motivations
The crew’s relief when the Klingons leave – if you’ve never reacted exactly like one of these guys after a dinner party, you’ve never had one
Radiation surge? Chekov: only the size of my head. Yeah, I’ve had that hangover
When the Klingons lose artificial gravity, they have a character say it out loud as objects in a spaceship start floating…
Pink blood is a great touch
This was, unless I’m mistaken, the first to you saw Klingons have pink blood
Bubblegum colored really. Which is funny.
A *warrior’s* blood
The gravity being restored and the subsequent splatter are a good choice
Kirk surrendering is well done. The incredulity, Kirk insisting on taking responsibility, committed to a mission he still doesn’t believe in
The Klingon ship sets, fully lit, look cheap though. At least the corridors
McCoy tries so hard. His distress is so plain, so we’ll communicated. DeForest Kelly was a hell of an actor
“Don’t let it end this way”
And now Kirk begins to believe. Now the mission is *his* mission.
Kirk and McCoy, Under Arrest!
The clocks which appear in the background throughout this film are carefully set. There’s no jet booting past deck 52 twice in this movie.
Is this the same Klingon ambassador from IV?
Red Foreman, President of the Federation. You dumbass.
I met Kurtwood Smith several times in DC about 8 years ago and he is a magnificent person.
This story about the etymology of sabotage is bullshit. It’s a common mistruth. The wooden shoe thing is correct, but”sabotage” owes more to the difficulty of walking in wooden shoes than to any made-up story of laborers tossing shoes into machinery
It’s more likely a derogatory word made up by the capitalist class of the time, mocking laborers for their clumsiness while simultaneously admitting said clumsiness stems from the footwear of poverty and mocking them for that too.
Spock and co watching the trial on TV basically…
In the 90s, we all recognized *that*
Plummer gets to be the unmatched prosecutor AND the cunning warrior in this movie, and he excels at both
But how did they get Kirk’s personal log?? The mystery plot’s execution is great.
Sulu’s “we stand ready to assist you” message is a kind of Rubicon moment that isn’t overblown in it’s presentation, so you might miss what Sulu is really volunteering for
It’s solidarity with his old crew. It’s I’m with you even if you start an interstellar war. It’s loyalty
Give us the John Cho Captain Sulu movie
Spock claiming Sherlock Holmes as an ancestor. Some fans think this makes the relationship canon.
In a film that also misattributed a quote to Hitler and implied Shakespeare was actually Klingon
Like Wrath of Khan, this film plays with it’s literary influences. It has fun. Go with it and don’t read too deep
Welcome to the alien gulag. We’ll kill this guy just to let incoming prisoners know how shitty it’s about to be for them
The prisoner they kill randomly always makes me think of Mr. Tumnus. Maybe it’s the snow.
By this time, he is deep into planning his escape… And prison fight, go!
This “not all species keep their genitals in the same place” is more interesting when you notice how the place Kirk kicks the alien was literally pulsing with light
I thoroughly believe Iman can escape an alien gulag
Christian Slater
I would also watch a Detective Chekov spinoff btw
Ohhh yeah, I forgot on my list of literary jokes: the “Russian epic” Cinderella
Though, honestly, Tolstoy’s Cinderella is something I’d be interested in.
Iman’s voice dubbed over the little girl doesn’t come off. Unsynchronized.
Why doesn’t she shapeshift into something that survives the cold?
I mean, yeah, she turns big and hairy. But why not bigger and/or hairier?
I’ve never seen or heard “intrepidity” in any other context
The “veridium” patch was visible the whole time, by the way. On the opposite shoulder from the rear button of his insignia ribbon. You’d be forgiven thinking it was phaser burn or something, but nobody shot at him.
Bluffing the Klingon border guards is a bit cringe. If they were a real species, this kind of comedy would be offensive. I’m not offended on behalf of fictional characters, but Trek was against that sort of thing all along … It fits in this film, but it isn’t right
Uhura’s eye roll at the end. She’s a linguistic genius, right? Oh, their language is so primitive.
The Kirk on Kirk fight alone is worth the price of admission
The “you want to go back?” exchange is great, and genuinely humorous
Perfect form for a thriller: seconds before they figure out/reveal the traitors, they find the bodies
A terrific mousetrap
Spock’s anger is palpable, as is his restraint
Valeris is fuckin snotty for a Vulcan
I tried to tell you, but you would not listen.
Neither of us was hearing well that night, lieutenant.
Reactions to this bit are likely sharply divided
Spock violates this woman. He forces his way into her mind. A non consensual mind meld is goddamn terrifying.
It’s also definitely a 4rh amendment thing
Enhanced interrogation, a decade before the rest of us were talking about it
Another way of looking at Sulu in this film is the obvious influence Kirk had in shaping him as an officer.
That’s how a shitty superior officer/boss would look at it
Legit interpretation though
Spock asking if they have both outlived their usefulness is interesting in that this movie came out a month after he appeared on TNG, set about 70 years later.
This space battle is so good. The torpedo that goes through the saucer is epic. The cat and mouse is epic. So good
Love that they used Cartright, an existing character from a previous film, as one of the conspirators. They’re not *all* disposable characters you’ve never seen before.
Plummer looks like he’s having terrific fun with this
And Shatner sinks some fuckin teeth into that “Fire!”
They beam in just in the nick of time. Of course. But the conspirators!
And Scotty getting to be the one who gets the sniper! Yes!
The only other Scotty action scene I can immediately recall is that one bar fight in the tribble episode
Kirk and Gorkon’s daughter: inspiring! It’s cheese, but the climax of this film was so good and also we used to believe in the future.
Which is what Trek always embodied: belief in the future, usually a better future.
Excelsior peels off. Enterprise sails into the sunset. Spock curses properly, a throwback to IV which highlights V’s failure
The cast signing their names always chokes me up a little, not gonna lie.
And … That’s it. Thanks for joining me.
2:07 AM · Apr 13, 2020
John A. Underwood 
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