The Black Sarcophagus of Doooom

You’ll have seen the mysterious black sarcophagus, yes? Something close to 3 meters long, unbroken, sealed and intact, about 2300 years old. Everyone making the same joke.

Fun fact. There really are two types of people in this world, and you can separate them by how they choose to spin that joke:

I’ve seen movies, obviously we shouldn’t open that thing! 

versus

Fuck 2018, fuck you, fuck our species, fuck Earth, let’s get it over with.

I have said many, many times before that in the event of A) alien invasion or B) machine uprising, I’d sell out humanity so fast it’d spin heads.

So, yeah. Open the fucker. I’m sure the chap inside is very reasonable and has many fine ideas on how we can turn the whole thing around. And, given the way things have been going, there’s absolutely no reason whatsoever to think we’re smart enough to not open it.

So let’s get it over with.

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